Here's a poem about January (a bit sweary)

Ode to January by Jacques Hattie

1.

When the New Year klaxon clears

The festive static from your ears

And all the turkey, cakes and pies

Have turned to goose-fat on your thighs

And nothing in the wardrobe slips

Around your Stollen-swollen hips

Your tummy, plump with pigs-in-blanket,

Flops and bulges from your slanket

At every step your lungs explode

Your arse is like a postal code

And bits of you that once were boney

Now are pure Panettone

    Here’s the month to soothe your pain

    And aid your efforts to abstain

    Stoney-faced and coldly-fasted

    JANUARY – the skinny bastard

2.

When the final drink’s been supped

You’ve toasted, cheered and bottoms-upped

The cabinet – where once was plenty -

Echoes now,  forlorn and empty

When the last hangover’s hit you

Sicker than the dog that bit you

Like a wino down the park

Your liver feels like Noah’sArk

It tries to bid you au revoir

A stranger gives it CPR

When you find yourself accusing

Ribena of having booze in

    When you cannot walk for gout

    Here’s a month to dry you out

    Seeing you don’t come unstuck

    JANUARY – the boring fuck.

3.

Now the revels all have ended

Party-time has been suspended

Bank accounts are bleak and bare

Austerity is in the air

You steal a happy meal to eat

You burn the dog to bring some heat

Or fake a fall and make a claim

And send the cat out on the game

The painting that your schoolchild did

You’ve e-bayed for a couple of quid

Till common sense at last prevails

And takes the wind out of your sales

    Need assistance with your spending?

    Here’s a month that’s never-ending

    It smiles like an investment banker

    JANUARY – you massive wanker